America's Got Talent Auditions Five and Six Recap

Hey all sorry I missed last night's show but I kind of conked out at 10 PM. Odd since I've been sleeping until nine every day. Ah the perks of being unemployed (and being in school so I don't have to worry about not earning enough money to support a family).

Anyway tonight I will do a two-for-one combo recapping both Tuesday and Wednesday night's audition shows. I am looking forward to seeing that singer from Tuesday night's show who was in all the previews this week. He sounded great in the commercials.

Tuesday Night:

We start out with the LA auditions, which Nick calls arguably the most talented town in the world. No pressure, LA. A guy in a pirate hat thinks he is going to win. Oh brother.

First up is Nathan Watkins, aka Nasty Nate. He claims to have charisma, stage presence, sex appeal, and fake hair that looks like it came out of the 1960s. Since the song "Milkshake" is playing in the background I have a bad feeling this guy is going to do some stripping. Either way I doubt he is talented. He claims to be 20 but looks much older. Maybe it's the hair. He stays at home with his mother for a living. Ha so do I (though like I said before I'm in college). There is a good voice in there somewhere but he is horribly offkey. "Simply the Best" (his song of choice) he is clearly not. Sharon seems somewhat impressed but the other two judges plus audience boos. David says he was simply the worst. Hey that was my joke! Nathan though won't take no for an answer and gives the judges some attitude before heading offstage.

Bad audition montage (appropriately set to the song "Goodbye" by Kristina Debarge: Zahid Khan claims be a one-man instrument but sounds like Daffy Duck instead. Leland Faulkner puts a paper mask in front of his face and pretends to be a cat. Seriously- that's the whole act. Iota Arcane is the "world's fastest poet" and reads a poem he wrote on AGT but just looks like he is spazzing out while reading it. Plus you can't understand a word of the poem, which defeats the point of the act.

After some weird shots of David wearing his lifeguard jacket and life preserver from his Baywatch days we have our next acts. They are Sheldon and Alexandra , aka Footworks Fitness, who turn a step into a drum, or so they say. It does sound like a drum but it's kind of boring. All they do is step up and down to the beat with their hands in the air occasionally. Nothing else is really happening on stage, and they are X'd quickly. I'm surprised I thought from the setup they would be good. But Piers agrees with me that it is not really an act, and David says it's not entertaining. They too are sent packing.

ANOTHER bad act montage (wow the auditions in LA must have really sucked): At least this one is also set to good music ("Mercy" by Duffy). Scott Weider flies a kite. Again, it's not really an act. That seems to be a general theme tonight. Plus the kite falls to the ground after a few seconds in the air. The judges tell him to figuratively go fly a kite (my joke). Circus Runaways just curl up into a ball and hop up and down on stage. Trixie and the Monkey (or really Trixie and a guy dressed as a monkey) just prance around the stage, and we don't get to see much of the actual act before they are X'd off. A guy named K-Dizzle comes up sporting a rainbow colored "Believe" bandanna before taking off his shirt and doing some really bad rapping. Even the Hoff raps better than he does!!

But wait, there's hope! Or at least the sappy music is playing so the last act of the day must be good. It is 49-year old nurse Terri Willis, who has been singing since she was 3. She immediately seems lovable, an older woman trying to fulfill her dreams. Piers tells her she can't be worse than the other acts today. Boy that's the truth! And apparently she is Celine Dion's seventh-cousin. Okay just as a warning Celine Dion is one of my favorite singers so hopefully Terri won't disappoint. Wow she's horrible!!! I'm shocked I really thought she'd be good. Sharon gets up and starts fake-stabbing herself with a knife, and Piers just gets up and walks away. But David makes sure to X her three times before joining them. She asks Nick if she was really that bad and he tells her no, but let me say here, she was that bad.

Piers calls it the worst day in AGT history, and David calls it the worst day of his life!!!

We are now 20 minutes in and not even one act has gotten through yet. Can we just skip to the singer from the previews already???

Now it is Day 2, and the judges are praying for more talent. First up is 17-year-old Bri from Vegas, who sings and plays keyboard. Now they are playing slow music again, so she is going to be great, right? Apparently she was born with a stuttering problem and could barely talk, but she used music to get through it. She also loves writing essays and poetry and is nervous to sing in front of "rock chick" Sharon. I like her already. But now she had to go and ruin it by saying she is singing a Jonas Brothers song. I can't diss them too much since I was just as into NSYNC and Backstreet Boys when I was that age but I am now at the age where that music doesn't appeal to me. But the song choice does get loud squeals from the crowd. She starts out so slow I barely recognize the song but as she gets faster I hear the melody, though she changed it up a bit. I don't love the arrangement but she has a great voice and also plays the keyboard well. She kind of has an Amy Winehouse/Adele kind of vibe to her. Not my favorite style of singing but she is very good. Sharon loves her unique personality and attitude. Piers says she has raw talent, and David says she has a big career ahead of her. She gets three yes's and is off to Vegas. She has a chance to do well in this competition I think.

And at the 28-minute mark we finally get our first ticket to Vegas of the show!!!

Next up is TJ and the Little Mamas. They are 6-9 year-old dancers wearing very glittery pink outfits (the girls at least). And TJ is so cute with his "TJ" shirt that makes him look like a little lady's man. The dancing is a lot of simple (though coordinated) steps and a lot of cartwheels. The act is adorable though and they definitely have talent, especially young TJ mouthing the words. They are sent to Vegas as well.

And now finally a good talent montage. Miss Germany eats fire and blows it out of her mouth. Not the most creative thing I've ever seen but of course Piers and David like it, and so does Sharon. Janice Martin goes up in the air on scarf-like things, then sings and plays guitar WHILE IN THE AIR. I have to admit that's cool, even though I don't think it could sustain a Vegas show. But she did play the violin upside-down, which is awesome. The Scott brothers are poppers who are very good at what they do, though that really is not my thing (which I have learned from watching So You Think You Can Dance).

After the break we see a quick shot of Iconic Crew dance in leather costumes and do a lot of robotic moves, though they are very synchronized. They get three yes's and are off to Vegas.

Next up is proofreader who calls himself Monsieur Pedicure and who promises a unique entertaining dance style. Well we haven't had any bad acts in a while so I have a feeling he will be one. Apparently he is a toe dancer. He puts his toe in a little box and dresses it in an afro, suit, and wiggly eyes. Then he just shakes it back and forth as music plays. Three quick X's (thank God). David says he is the worst act in history. I don't know about that but it certainly wasn't good. Monsieur claims the world is not ready for his act....

Mario Ferrera and Jennifer Romas- Ferrara are next, and they say they work really well together. Robert loves the intensity and danger of their act. Apparently they could die during the act. Okay they have my interest. Jennifer comes out in a leather bikini, and Mario wears a top hat and robe with leather stockings. Mario starts out sawing apart pieces of wood held by Jennifer. I get the danger, but not so much the talent. But then he takes three of the saws, turns them on, and juggles them. Okay that part took skill, and he could go to Vegas based on that. David calls them sexy, terrific, and dangerous. Piers says they are born to be Vegas performers (really?). Sharon calls them powerful and says they instantly got everyone's attention (well except mine I guess). They get through to Vegas, which I guess is well-deserved based on the end of the act but I still didn't think the first part of the act was that impressive.

And last but not least is Lawrence Beaman, aka the guy from the previews this week. He better be good after an audition show with mostly a whole lot of nothing. He is from Mississippi and used to sing with his brother in church. Yet he is still nervous, as he admits to Nick backstage. He calls it the "biggest opportunity of his life". He shows his nerves when he first steps on stage, and the judges have to calm him down. His voice is VERY deep, too deep for my tastes, but he really shines on the high notes towards the end of the song. The judges give him a standing ovation and he breaks down on stage. Sharon runs onstage to give him tissues. Aw she's such a sweetheart. Piers calls it "stunning". Sharon calls him a class act, and David says he brought class, grace, and talent to the show. Of course he gets right through to Vegas. He certainly is very good, but not as good as I expected. But maybe because I don't really like the Barry White-type voices. And yay for Leona Lewis' "Footprints in the Sand" playing in the background! Brings back memories of Ashley Anderson's audition for American Idol last year, who I still insist should have made the top 36 even though she didn't make it through the first round of Hollywood week. Check out the clip here and see what you think: http://idolsongsvideos.com/ashley-anderson-american-idol-audition/

Anyway another pretty disappointing show talent wise. The only standout for me was Bri, though Lawrence was good too, just not really my taste. Hopefully Wednesday's show will be better...

Wednesday Night:

This show takes place in Houston, where record number crowds auditioned, as we heard last time the show was here.

The judges get a big intro tonight, though oddly didn't get one in Tuesday night's show. I almost forgot about it after watching the first show but after watching it again in this show I still think it is completely unnecessary. And of course David gets his extended introduction, complete with a leather outfit and cowboy hat.

First up are the Texas Tenors, three cowboys who try to bring the heart of Texas into their act. They actually just formed the group for the show it sounds like, which makes me like them a bit less, though they are adorable. They have known each other for years though. One guy (the cutest of the bunch) says he is unemployed, and when Sharon has them take their hats off he reveals his golden locks. She says she has a job for him! Ha! I really hope they are good. And yay they are!! They get the crowd going right away and start singing a fast country song in perfect harmony. There is one really high voice sticking out that I don't love but the others are very good. Sadly I think the cute one was the voice I didn't like since the other two sang solos that were excellent. But they were very fun and entertaining, especially for the country crowd. Not the best voices ever but what they lack in vocal chops they make up for in stage presence. David liked the attitude and thought they did a very, very good job. Sharon says they are a bit raw in the performance. Piers at first was lukewarm but grew to like it. Piers says yes, as does Sharon, and they are off to Vegas. They will get a lot of votes from the Southerners I bet.

After the break we meet 51-year-old Bruce Thomas. He has been told his act is unique, but usually on this show unique means bad. He is a plumber by trade, though he has had this talent for 40 years. Apparently his talent is making farting noises with his hands. The act is playing "Yankee Doodle Dandy" with his hands, and he actually does play the tune well but that sound is so obnoxious the judges X him right away.

Bad Act Montage: Ruby Revue do burlesque but can't open or stand on chairs properly. In Sterio are floutists who start out doing a cool arrangement of "Toxic" with one girl playing and the other beat boxing on the flute. It actually sounds cool until the beat boxer starts playing too, and then it just sounds offkey. The Crispy Family Carnival has a fat guy get money stapled to his body. Then he attaches hooks to his nipples and lifts 45 pounds with them. That part was actually kind of cool but the judges kicked him off immediately. It was the opposite of the prior act-started out boring but then actually got decent.

Next up is Acrodunk, five friends who acrobatic slam dunks. I think I've seen acts like this on the show before and never really dug them too much but maybe they will be different. They already got the sob story going by having parents who want them to get "real jobs". They actually are quite entertaining. They do flips onstage and then use a trampoline to jump up to the basket and dunk. They even purposely miss shots so their teammate can grab the loose ball and either pass it on again or dunk it themselves. And a dude spins on his head! I don't know if that could sustain a Vegas show but it was really fun. David says they are the best dunkers they've had, and I think I agree. Piers loved the energy and dunking. Sharon also loved the energy and says she could watch them all night. I don't know about that but they certainly deserve yeses for a shot in Vegas, which they get from all three judges.

So far this show is already better than Tuesday night's.

The better news is the directors took my advice and stuck to one city per episode. They did it Tuesday night and seem to be doing it tonight.

Now we get a good act montage. Live in Color is a lot of crazy dancing with wild colored outfits. Ana Pipoyan does some great belly dancing with a LIT candlestick on her head. That's nuts! The best part was Nick lighting the candles and saying he hopes wife Mariah isn't mad at him for lighting someone else's fire. I don't get why people don't like Nick- I find him cool and funny, though maybe it's a generational thing. Anyway Ana is very skilled as well, and even Sharon likes it. Eclipse is a waiter at Olive Garden who raps like a pro, though I couldn't understand a word he said (then again I never understand what rappers say!!)

The next act is Eleisha Miller from Amarillo, Texas. She is adorable when she asks if Nick is the new host as he interviews her. But it sounds like she is another singer. NOT ANOTHER KAITLIN MAHER!!! Sorry I couldn't stand Kaitlin last year- I don't really understand how little children who only have high voices can be considered singers. My hopes are not high for this girl either but maybe I'll luck out and she won't sing. She is eight, so slightly older than Kaitlin last year. She does sing, but also does other stuff like dance and play piano. Dang her personality is so bold and cute though. She says she'll take her family to Hawaii if she wins, even her cats! And wow she's singing "Proud Mary"!!! At least it's not Disney songs like Kaitlin did last year. Well the piano playing is great but her voice is still as obnoxiously high-pitched as Kaitlin's was. She just sounds like she is shouting the song at a high pitch. She should just stand there and play the piano and I'd be more entertained. David says he is cute and funny but the singing needs work. Yay he agrees with me!!! Piers says she is funny, and she responds by telling a corny golfer joke but even she can make it cute. Sharon agrees the voice is weak but she is a delight to watch. Wow Sharon says no!! I'm amazed. Piers puts her through based on her humor, and when Eleisha says she has a vocal teacher and that "everyone who sings needs a vocal teacher" David puts her through as well. She has great stage presence so she should just tell jokes or play piano instead of singing because she has star potential, but not the voice. Unlike Kaitlin, she actually has personality rather than just stand there and be cute.

The next act is Jamar and Lamar Jefferson, twin singers. OMG I JUST saw them on American Idol Rewind last week!! They auditioned in season 4 and got through to Hollywood, though I'm not sure exactly when they were cut. The judges liked them more than I did, but maybe they've improved in four years. Now they have a new name- Timez 2, and are dressed exactly the same so I can't tell them apart. They start singing Usher's "Yeah", and considering it took me a few seconds to realize it was them singing and not Usher, I guess that means they were good. But once I realized it was them the vocals kind of went downhill, especially on the high notes. A little too much jumping around on the stage for my taste, but that probably made it more entertaining in real life. David likes their raw talent and energy. Piers did not want to like them because of their attitude but thought they were quite good. Sharon says they need to work more on their vocals, which I agree with. David tells them to take Sharon's advice but says yes. Piers surprisingly said their voices were too weak and says no. Sharon (with some pressure from the crowd) also says yes. They are crowd pleasers but do need to work on the vocals to get farther in the show.

Next up is a 75 year old retired phone operator named Grandma Lee. She likes doing fun stuff with her grandkids while not being the bad guy. She doesn't consider herself old though- good for her! She wants to live her dreams and inspire others to do the same. Wow she's a comic- didn't see that coming. She makes a joke about Vegas that I don't get but then says she wants to be cremated and have her ashes spread at a Krispy Kreme so her daughters-in-law will come visit her! Haha. Then she tells a joke about her daughter coming home from college and saying she's ain't a virgin and Lee wondering why she spends money for her daughter to still say "ain't"! Not the funniest thing ever but it was cute and will certainly appeal to the older crowd. Sharon loved the material and timing. Piers says she is his favorite contestant so far. Wow that's a bold statement, though we don't know what other acts he had seen at this point. She counters by saying he is cute! Did she just say "I'll do him"?????? David loves the material and delivery and she is off to Vegas. She reminds me of "Rappin' Granny" from a few years back, though I think I liked Lee better, only because I hate rap.

And now all that's left is the pimp spot of the week. It is a stay-at-home mom with an adorable kid. Her name is Barbara Padilla and she is originally from Mexico. She always wanted to be a a singer, and her daughter hears other singers and thinks they are her mother! Aw. She just wants to go out there knowing she has done her best. And we have another opera singer. She is quite good though, I just don't understand the fascination this show has with opera singers. Plus there's no way she'll win after Neal won last year, though I like her better than Neal. And wow did she hit that last note!! A standing ovation from Sharon and David, which was well deserved. I see her as Maria in West Side Story. It turns out she's a cancer survivor. I was wondering when her sob story would come out. Sharon calls her an inspiration, Piers loves her spirit, determination, and a voice that could take her far. David tells her to keep singing because her voice can heal. She gets a definite yes to Vegas. I don't like opera music at all, but she is very talented.

Anyone else find it weird that a Mariah Carey (aka Nick's husband) is playing in the background. Wonder if he had a say in that??

So that's it for tonight's doubleheader. Wednesday's show had a lot of good but not great acts with the exception of Barbara, who almost makes me like opera music. I also enjoyed the Acrodunks and the Texas Tenors, and I think Grandma Lee has potential to be even better.

So what are your thoughts on tonight's show? Who are some of your favorites from this strong audition night? And did you share my disdain for Kaitlin last year? Post your comments below.